I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
