I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
