Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
