I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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