Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
