I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize