I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
