Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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