I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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