I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
