i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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