me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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