idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
