My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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