The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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