How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
