I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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