You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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