Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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