so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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