i permit you to call me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
