FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
