My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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