Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
