Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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