Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
