ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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