Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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