So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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