Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
