How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
