Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
