If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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