Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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