So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
