Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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