I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
