Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
