God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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