I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
