I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
tell me about the eggs
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