also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
