I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
