Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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