we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
