We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
