I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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