i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
