It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
