My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They took my balls.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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