Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
