Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
