does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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