I met the friendliest cop last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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