Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
