Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
