I think I won the penis lottery.
this will be a night to untag.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
