just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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