So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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