Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
