thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dignity is for republicans.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
