if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
