The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
