1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
