Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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