Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
